Ok….  So…. when I wake up in the morning… which is currently at the crack ass of Dawn… so, I have a large area of waking… get it???  anyway… when I wake up these days, all ready to go to radiation… I am filled with the hope and optimism of a new day…. I could fairly whistle, had I ever developed that annoying skill, and shout to still darkened skies, “Hello Morning!!!!  I am going to be the BEST DARN SHOOTENIST STAGE 4 CANCER GIRL OUT THERE!!!!!  And I am pretty sure that little birds chorus their agreement back to me, and the sun itself decides to pop up a few minutes early just to see what all the excitement is about…… and then…. well, the rest of the day occurs…. let me see if I can detail it….. okey dokey….

6:30am…     (chorus of angelic babies and purring of kittens)…  GOOD MORNING WORLD!!!!  How awesome is it to be with you!!!!  You good looking life, you… come over here and let me give those little sun rays and little pinch on the cheek!

8:30am…  Ah, how satisfying to be one more radiation treatment closer to being done, and able to begin the next treatment routine… How awesome is it that all these wonderful medical folks and medicines are here to help me!!!   Gosh darnit, I’ll probably live FOREVER with all the new things they are coming up with…. sigh…. I promise to enjoy each and every moment today!

10:00 am…   Yawn.  Is it wrong to take a wee nap at 10:00am?  Maybe I’ll just go on WebMD and find other exotic diseases and disorders I could have…. oh, you, sillyhead, stop with your negative thinking, you just need some coffee!!!!  WHAT AN AWESOME WORLD it is that there are WaWa’s that have fresh coffee for us everyday!!  Gosh, people are so nice sometimes, look at that nice young man hold the door open for me!  (did he just call me m’am?)

1:00 pm  Hmm.  maybe I’ll stop and buy some beer on the way home.  I wonder what instant menopause will be like…….. Ooooh….. shiny happy news about something!!

3:30pm…. Yeppers, I think I’ll start reviewing all the various side effects from the various medications I may be on…. HEY!!!  Dumbass!!!  Who cares???  Side Effects/SideSchecks…. who cares about side effects!!  What, am I trying to walk down a runway or play professional hockey at this point??  Side Effects are no big deal… yeah!!!! no big deal!!!    Ow.  What was that???  What just hurt????  Was that a rib????  Can I make it happen again???  Maybe I should scour the web for indications of what rib pain are… probably more cancer…..  maybe I’ll get TWO sixpacks on the way home!

5:00pm…   hmmmm… what EXACTLY does “uncurable but treatable mean”…. Spend 90 minutes up in my head parsing these words and meanings over and over…. Briefly remember my pledge at 600 am to get through treatment and start running again and run the Broad Street with my FUUK CANCER shirt on….  Feel too fat to not stop and get beer…. spend another 60 minutes up in my head wondering how long my particular body will take on the first treatment regimen….

9:00pm  .. have now had 5 or 6 beers…. wondering if SpongeBob is the Bugs Bunny of our time…. Patrick the Daffy Duck….   think I need to stop drinking, eat better, lose weight, start to run again….   tomorrow.