I am waiting in jail for a client. Waiting waiting waiting. I am about 18 months out from being diagnosed with stage IV cancer. I seem to be doing well. I am still on a first protocol of treatment, taking a wee little pill of femara a day, still having my spouse impale my ass with a lupron dagger once a month, taking 2 pills of an experimental drug nexavar, and of course, a happy blue pill or two…. just to even it all out.

I read too much on the internet. I constantly read the news sites and blogs, HuffPost, CNN, DailyBeast, NPR, Deadspin…. etc. These can only lead to so much mischief. I can only find myself worrying endlessly about Kiev and Syria, ObamaCare and whether this winter will ever yield to spring.

My mischief making to myself occurs when I stray onto the sites that purport to heal me, or scare me with stories of decay and death, or, the worst of them all, promise facts and symptom checkers and treatments. Here… here is where I always fall down the rabbit hole. Here is where I slide down the throat of terror into 5 year life expectancies and “disease free progression” expectations and side effects expectations and expectations of expectations…. I say it enough and the word itself becomes sterile and meaningless…. ex….. PEC…. tay…. shuns. shuuuuuuuns.

I have a rule to avoid these sites. I am NOT SUPPOSED TO BE READING THESE PAGES OR BLOGS. It is a good rule. Like looking both ways before crossing a street. Or, perhaps most important, washing strawberries before you eat them.

(written some time ago… lost…. must have forgotten to hit “send”… but, off she goes….. who even reads about Kiev these days??)