Well, here I am again.  Wasn’t I just here not too long ago??  Yes, Yes, now I am remembering…. 2004.  I was roaming these rooms back in 2004.  Diagnosed with breast cancer on June 15, 2004, lumpectomy on June 29, 2004… chemo and radiation followed.  Tamoxifen for five years thereafter.  What the hell am I doing back here?  I am positive that I asked for a “one way” flight away from breast cancer, not a “round trip.”   Can I chalk this up to a clerical error?  Get a refund?  I’ll even pay the rebooking fee to get sent back to Cancerfree, U.S.A.  Well, I guess not…. it seems that breast cancer has returned to me, most likely it never left.  Mets to the bone, primarily the sternum.  A couple to the spine, ribs.  Thankfully, no organs.  Not in my brain…  I must say I was pleasantly reassured that there was evidence of the actual brain on the scan.   However, overall, this is an epic “sucks.”  I now have September 18, 2012 as my new, “new normal” date.  They say that if a cancer is to metasticize, the bone is the “safest” place to go.  Kinda like saying, if you are going to get thrown into the sun, the “safest” place to get tossed is to the sides…. because that hot boiling lava center will getcha right away!  The mere simmering lava at the edges is muuuuuuuuch safer!

I have started radiation to the sternum.  My poor sternum.  I knew ye well.  Back when you were solid and strong and allowed me a good belch without complaint.  Now you whine and protest the slightest exhalation, pinch me when I bend and bring tears to my eyes should I sneeze.  I have grown to hate you, wee sternum.  Not even your decimated current state earns my sympathy.  I care not that you are hollowed out like a termite eaten oak.  I shun you til such a time as you have regenerated and grown.   I am told that radiation will take care of the mass around my sternum, and I am told that the bone will grow back.  I certainly hope so!  Then I will take my sternum to pepper and pollen filled restaurants and I will take my sternum back out dancing and I will take my sternum to the airport to go on vacation…. carrying my own bags!