Ok, Ok, Ok…. I GET IT!!!  The hot flashes have officially commenced.  I thought on one particular day that I was experiencing a “warm flutter”…. but, I was also getting ready to do some cyber monday shopping… so, it could have been the warm flutter of a hard won haggle afoot.  But no, it was not getting 73% off that must have “all-in-one” dog groomer that gave me that warm tingly feeling… it was….. (insert dramatic music)…. MENOPAUSE!!!  (in my mind…. young children and old men run screaming from the room).   I got into a dispute with my wifey over the thermostat… INSISTING that she had ‘ONCE MORE TURNED UP THE HEAT TO UNBEARABLE LEVELS!!!!”  Wifey told me to “shut my piehole, you are having a hot flash.”  It may have been the bright red blotchy cheeks and chest, along with the dampened forehead that gave it away.  I have also noticed another side effect.  This one is the one that is best talked about over wine and beer.  Go ahead… I’ll wait until you are properly in a “7 year old” frame of mind to talk about it…. Really…. a few beers and some wine, and you’ll be able to appreciate the PURE GENIUS of the chemists in scheming this particular side effect when they developed this wunderdrug… I imagine that these brilliant chemists all sit around in a pub, celebrating the newest life saving drug, all done, with no side effects, and these chemists are just drinking and making stupid “double helix” jokes, or whatever those eggheads joke about… and then one chemist looks at another and goes…. you know what would be even funnier than “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!”  (get it???  i didn’t either the first time…. stupid chemists!!!)… and then other chemist looks back droopy eyed and the first chemist says… lets add something fun to our new drug!!!!   And they all laugh and think how clever they are… and then one says:   

Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, “Hey! I think I lost an electron!”
The other says, “Are you sure??”
“Yes, I’m positive!”         

Then…. back in the lab they run… all drunked up and stir up a “more fun” batch of the life saving drug… and now I have flatulence.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  GOOD ONE!!!!!    Fucking chemists.